the cock reflex

For years, I’ve been slow to arouse. Like, it takes a loooong time to get me simmering. Sure, that wasn’t the case before, but I was older, with more responsibility, more stress, a kid in the house – it really didn’t seem like a stretch to imagine that all of these together were affecting my sexuality.

Hrm. Well. Then we switched roles.

And now I can go off like a rocket. Deep, throbbing, lovely feelings down there. But getting used to the whys of these deep throbbing lovelies has meant getting used to a whole new world of me than I’d ever known before.

Things that now make me go off (that never did before):

  • when he looks shy, or embarassed, or blushing. (If he hides his face, look out! Sexual frenzy!)
  • when he moans, of course – but especially when he whimpers with need
  • when he shoves his greedy ass at me when I’m spanking, flogging, or even just touching him
  • when he trembles with need

Suffice it to say that now, I get a rather large number of opportunities in a week to be heavily, deeply aroused. But that’s not all. It’s the new instincts that come with this arousal that are hard to understand and a mindfuck to deal with, especially after 13-odd years of identifying as a sub.

I get… hard. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s like my clit is just bigger now, like a small cock inside of me. And when he’s vulnerable and sweet and stretched on a rack of denial and want and sensation, it…

Well. It makes me want to fuck something. Actually, it makes me want to fuck everything. 

I literally spent the first four weeks we played in these new roles feeling like a dog – that I just wanted and needed to hump up against the world and find something to shove my (and now THERE’s the question, yes? what the hell would I shove?) something into something. I honestly don’t believe I’ve been so turned on in my entire life as I have been the past 2.5 months while my Darling and I have been learning about these new roles.

I’ve begun to call it my cock reflex, because that’s really what it feels like. As though my entire life I’ve never understood how men felt, wanting to grab things and stick their cocks into them, hump up against things, and generally just thrust with their hips to soothe the unbearable sodding ache. Until now.

I’m even different now when his face is buried between my legs. (Yes, folks, since Vikki left you last, she actually learned to appreciate, enjoy and even come from cunnilingus. See the history.) Before I would screw my eyes shut and focus on the sensation and eventually, slowly, get over my shit enough to come. The idea of grabbing his hair or head was anathema to me, and something I only did occasionally, lightly, because I knew it turned him on.

[Aside: as I tell more of our stories from our past, like the one above about me grabbing his head turning him on, you’ll begin to untangle and unravel, as we are, the reality that there were hints all along. But I digress.]

Fast forward to now. I grab his head, his hair, but my favorite is to grab two hanks of hair or his head above his ears on both sides and move his lips up and down my clit until it feels like the world’s smallest blowjob. Sweeeejesus. I could fuck that face into infinity.

The natural extension of this, of course, is for me to get a cock of my very own to wear and fuck things with. But that’s a story for another day.

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