diary: submission

Most of the people who know me in life assume that if I were to get "into" (their emphasis, not mine) BDSM that I would be a dominant. It's a reasonable enough thesis - I tend to be fairly (ahem) assertive in my day-to-day life. I've been at least an equal if not the stronger person in each of my major relationships throughout my life - with my parents (stronger), with my friends (generally equal), with my husband (stronger).

This is not to say I'm the Incredible Hulk here, in case I was setting up unrealistic visions in your mind. I'm not speaking physically. But emotionally, I've always been the stronger one. The one who knew how to make decisions, and quickly; the one who hated to ask for support even when I needed it most. I'm a pretty independent little cuss. And generally I've never been hesitant to take the lead in sex.

I think that's why submission appeals to me so strongly. Not as a 24-hour, lifestyle thing - oh, how my friends would laugh at that picture - but with a strong lover, one who doesn't immediately translate a desire for submission to be a sign of a "weak and needy" woman (isn't that every man's fear?), I think that a power exchange of this kind could be wildly arousing.

All this is in my mind since I'm working on a new story about a woman's first introduction to submission. I've got the storyline pretty well plotted, but I'm having a hard time getting into his head, trying to figure out what he's thinking, where he's going with all this. This one will take a while to write, but hopefully it will be one of my best. I really do like the premise.

Or perhaps it's just that I haven't practiced enough in my own life to write it well. Don't they always say to write what you know? :-)

2001.01.23 11:38 AM
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