I’ve always believed that everyone’s kink is OK, even if it’s not OK for me. I’d never judge someone (or I’d try really hard not to, at least) on the basis of an element of their kink. Hey, whatever turns you on, so long as it’s consensual, it’s all good.

That said, I’ve never really understood the women’s underwear/women’s clothing aspect of femdom/malesub BDSM. Honestly, it’s one of the biggest things I knew I wouldn’t want. Not because I think less, sexually or emotionally, of people who do it. It’s just:

Look. I’m a feminist. The idea that putting on frilly or pink or satiny clothing or panties makes someone less than, or a sissy, is kind of offensive to me. Because I don’t think being a woman, looking like a woman, feeling like a woman, should ever be something demeaning or less than or in any way embarrassing for anyone because I at my very core do not believe that having female traits is any more embarrassing than having male traits. In other words, why wouldn’t it be ok? 

Luckily, my Darling agrees with me (he’s a feminist too, sort of) and we were both on the same page about wearing frilly underpants being a no in our relationship.

Then, we started playing with butt plugs and learned pretty quickly that actually, those gently sloping silicone things don’t actually stay in your ass very well at all. One or two good squeezes is all it can take to make it shoot out of there like a rocket. I have no idea why no one ever seems to talk about this. But I’m telling you now. All of your fantasies of walking someone around (or being walked, depending on which side of the fence you’re playing on) wearing a butt plug pretty much go up in smoke when confronted with the silicon skinny reality. Even bigger ones? Same thing. Shooty McShooty.


So then: I had to start looking for a new butt plug. One that would stay in. What I wanted was simple. I wanted something with a small base (easy to sit on) but broad enough not to get lost up there. I wanted something with a tiny stem that was easy for anal muscles to cling to. And then a nice deep flare that would seat and stay in. Too much to ask? Nay nay. Unfortunately, the only butt plugs that fit this description come with a crystal at the end, all sparkly and bright.


So on one hand I have the desire to not feminize my sub because in my world that would make him more powerful. You see? And on the other I have a very anal greedy sub who I wanted to walk around in a butt plug without having to strap him in like international luggage.

Needless to say, I bought the plug – with a clear crystal, natch, since it would be more masculine. We tried it for the first time last weekend. And I learned something about sparkly (and by inference, feminine) things.

What if it turns you both on not because it’s bad or less or humiliating, but because it’s pretty and your boy has never in his life had a chance to be pretty?

I was amazed at my reaction to seeing that crystal sparkling in the groove between his butt cheeks. It was pretty. I liked looking at it. And it didn’t make him less of a man to have it there. It made him more of a man.

My man.

See? Learning things.

for the woman who has everything

Today, I ran across the craziest bit of bling (and normally I, like most girls, am healthily attracted to bling) that I’ve ever seen in my life.

That is to say, I found a $1500 vibrator.

Yeah, you read that right.

Called the YVA Gold, the thing is a cordless, rechargeable vibrator made from sterling silver and handmade in 18K gold plate. Also comes with a moleskin carry pouch, natch, because that’s just hip.

Don’t get me wrong. I love expensive trinkets. I love hip things. But for $1500, this thing better climb out of the drawer on its own, waken me slowly, take its time arousing me and undressing me, suck my nipples, tease my clit until I come, slam me into the wall with a good deep dicking, clean me up with a warm wet cloth and light my cigarette for me.

Not that I smoke any more. But you get the idea.

$1500? Pleasure couture? Really?

I wonder if pussy juice is corrosive, or would help protect the sterling from tarnish. Anyone?

sex toys and Stephen King

Mark Morford was telling me this morning all about something that he thinks is the most sex-positive thing to happen in simply ages.
The news is simple. Amazon sells sex toys. (Okay, that’s not exactly news. But I love his take on it.)

What a wonderful message this sends. What a desperately needed notion for a sex-starved and deeply misinformed, orgasmically uncertain nation. It is this: Sex and the heavenly toys that enhance and enliven it need not be some secret ugly thing, hidden, hesitant, embarrassing, separate from your “regular” life.

I have to agree. People’s shame about this is so patently ridiculous and backward and so not in the direction we need to go. Sex is normal. Masturbation is normal. Getting lubed up and trying a new buzzing sex toy is not only normal but wonderful and if you haven’t done it lately then why not? There are days when I feel we need billboards proclaiming this from sea to shining sea. Full-page ads in the NY Times. That sort of thing.

However, I will say that I’m also nervous. Nervous that the reason Amazon still carries this stuff isn’t because they’re committed to this concept but because no major right-wingers have freaked on their heads yet. Not to say that I don’t think that Amazon is a clever company – I do, and they have many, many of my dollars to prove it – but I also think they’re a company, a big one, and I’ve yet to see a big company stand up to the kind of right-wing close-your-knees sex-is-only-for-procreation (in the dark, with clothes still on) publicity wheel that can get grinding when someone who says they’re about family but clearly doesn’t believe in the act that CAUSES them decides to Protect Our Values and Our Children.

Time will tell, I suppose. I hope Amazon’s got the spine and the internal commitment to stand up to this kind of attack (because you know it will come. you know you do.).
In the meantime, go! Buy a new battery vibe (702 products) or lube (2941 products) already!

(2941 different species of lube? Really?)

products: the Body Bare shaving system

It didn’t take long after my first shave to figure out that I loved being completely bare between the thighs. It felt sexy and soft and a little naughty, and I couldn’t get enough of it.

The biggest problem, of course, was how to maintain this slip-slidey feeling all the time. Waxing is currently out for me – I tried a home waxing kit and OH MY GOD the pain. And while I’m a slut, I can’t quite work my way up to spreading it all for a complete stranger, professional though they may be.

So. This left limited options. Shaving every day (or even a couple of times a week), even with the grain, was a solution for a while but it was not exactly what we’d call a long-term solution.
What to do? I had seen an electric shaver system at the Everything to Do With Sex Show this year called Body Bare. When we’d spoken to the lady at the booth, she’d sworn by it, said it was wonderful, and no pulled hair pain. Close as a baby’s bottom. I thought perhaps I’d give it a try.

The little Feminine hair remover looks like an electric toothbrush only with little teeth instead of bristles. This is what you use to trim down to the short hairs, particularly if you’ve been growing a while. This one WILL bite if you use it improperly or hold it too close to the skin, so be cautious. But it does its job well – getting you nice and short before using the razor. (It’s also excellent for trimming your male partner – much less scary than scissors.)

But the Body Bare itself was the most exciting part. Its blades are covered completely by a foil, so there is literally 0% chance of you cutting yourself. The shaver holds a charge long enough for 2-3 long shaving sessions (I’m picky and take a long time) before needing a plug-in.

But let’s talk about the closeness. I’d become convinced that nothing would get me as close as a razor or maybe a wax. But this baby does the job. Silky smooth skin, no stubble, NO red bumps or sore skin. I can have a super-close shave as often as I want without irritation.

Oh my God, I sound like an infomercial.

It’s just that: well, let’s face it. Products in this industry don’t always have the best reputation for doing what they say they’re going to do. So I have to admit I didn’t have high hopes.

Instead, the thing has become my best friend and the first thing I pack when I’m going away. Seriously. My biggest fear is that the thing will some day cease to work and I’ll find out that this company doesn’t make them anymore when that happens.

To the degree that I’ve actually considered buying another one, or two, to keep as spares in the event that I kill this one.

So — yes, I highly recommend it. Ahem. As does my partner. 😉

If you want to buy this shaver, here’s the link to do it.

delicious fetish gear

Wow, it’s been all about the vagina month, hm? Guess I was kind of on a kick. The good news is today, I have lovely and yummy toys to share.

Somehow I’d missed the lovely site that is Extreme Restraints until Eden pointed me to it today, and I have to say that I have completely, head over heels, fallen in love with their products. I may need to get several.

Among my favourite finds from this evening’s browse:

Julian Snelling Rosebud Anal Jewelry – How pretty is this? I think it’s just lovely.

Premium Deerskin Leather Floggers – Oh, my, these are just outstanding-looking. How I miss floggers. Damn.

Leather and Fur Paddle – Since my ass in nowhere near as hardy as Bethie’s, I think the combination of fur and sturdy leather would feel… er… interesting. Yes. That’s a lovely way to put it.

The Fantasy Rack – Um. Hmm. Yes. Interesting.

Leather Spanking Skirt – If I could ever justify spending $177 on something I’d never wear outside, I would so totally buy this. It looks so amazing I’m getting all perky just thinking about it.

Cleopatra Chrome Collar – While this wouldn’t be practical for more… bendy forms of bondage, because I suspect it could really irritate the chest, this is just a lovely piece.

Good thing I moved my Visa to the other room before visiting. It’s an addiction, I tell you, an addiction! I need help! 🙂

chicks with boys still love their toys

Yes, despite the unerring abilities of the boy to find my pleasure points and keep me on the edge of orgasm for-freaking-ever (more on that in a later post – grin), Vikki is still a woman who enjoys her toys.

Which is all a preamble, really, to break the news that I finally bought an Eroscillator a month or so ago, and I am agog.

First of all, after my experience with the thumper-to-end-all-thumpers, the crashing Titanic of vibrators otherwise known as the Hitachi Magic Wand, it was a relief and a pleasant surprise to find an electric vibrator that doesn’t require a pillow between my legs to shield me from the blows. Though I will admit that the Hitachi kicks ass when I’m either drunk or suffering severe menstrual cramps.

But really, this little baby is quite wonderful. The attachments are very soft rubber and feel like a fingertip. Okay, sometimes a rather nubby fingertip. Doesn’t matter. It’s all good.

And ohhhhh, does it do the job. The website states that it provides a different sensation from most vibes because rather than thumping, it oscillates. I don’t know what it does, really, and I don’t care. I just know that every other toy I own has ended up in my drawer, and this vibe sits proudly out where I can reach it any time I want.

It’s also got a lovely, detachable, long long electrical cord so it reaches well from the wall to – well, anywhere you want, really. 😉

Three speeds. From oh-oh-oh to Oh-My-GOD.

Sadly, I went the cheapo route and only bought the package with two attachments, missing out on the delicious Pearls of The Orient attachment, which would have been SO much fun to use on the boy. Must order. Soonest.

But really, it’s just a terrific vibe. I can’t say enough good things about it. I have already recommended it to some of my friends.

Ladies, you really really want to give it a try. Trust me.

In my next post: a review of some lovely cuffs sent to me my the wonderful people at Eros Boutique. You gotta love schwag. 😉

just found the toy of my dreams

Oh. My. God.

I just found it. I have no idea how it would feel to wear it, but oh, how I would die to experience it.

The TongueJoy vibrator.

The idea, really, of the tongue – and vibration – at the same time – argh.

Reminds me of one of the few times I actually came via oral sex – we were trying out my very first silver bullet. Myself, and He With The Magical Hands.

Which reminds me, I still haven’t told that story yet.

But I can’t right now. I – er – have other things to take care of first.

Thanks to Fleshbot for the link.

on erotica – part two

So as I was saying (yeah, I know – you guys thought I forgot all about it, right? no such luck), I think romance writers create the best erotica.

Oh, man, I can feel the eyes rolling from here.

First of all, if you’ve never read several romance books (and I mean read them, cover to cover, several different authors and types) then you don’t know Jack, and please hold your comments to the end of the lecture. Thank you. 🙂

Here’s my problem with a lot of modern erotica. Not enough character. Not enough sizzle between the two characters. Not enough pacing – here’s what she looks like (36-24-36), here’s what he looks like (6 pack, dreamy eyes), oh my god his cock her pussy pump pump pump. Kind of like het vid porn. Yawn.

On the other side of the scale…

My all time favourite romance book author is Elizabeth Lowell. From her, I learned probably 70% of what I put into my own stories. Or more, maybe. I discovered her when I was a teenager (at the time, she wrote for Silhouette Desire, the steamier imprint of Silhouette and Harlequin). She was incredibly prolilfic (and still is, though she’s gone mainstream fiction) with dozens of books. Took me most of a lifetime, but I own most of her older books now.

Her love scenes would last a full chapter sometimes, maybe more. But even before that, she had this incredible way of building the sexual and emotional tension between the two characters that would have you ready to scream before they even started getting close to the nasty.

Elizabeth Lowell was, in fact, a consummate artist of the tease (as with many other romance authors). To see what I mean, read this excerpt from one of my favourite Lowell books – Love Song for A Raven. Even today, reading it makes me so hot I just feel like tripping and beating Raven to the floor.

Go on. Read it. Really. Does it change your mind at all about romance books?

As a rule, I find romance authors excel at building tension between a man and a woman (pacing). They also know how to (because they’ve had to) write about sex without having to use four-letter words every single time.

(If you read my stories, you’ll notice I follow the same convention until the action gets very hot and heavy.)

And, sure, okay, I also like books like Lowell’s because the men are hard and unapologetically so, the women are independent and feisty but also just a wee bit submissive, and because I’m a sap at heart who somehow still believes after all the crap life’s thrown me that happily ever after can exist. For at least ten full minutes.

But I digress.

The true power, though, is when romance authors like Emma Holly make the leap to erotica as she did with books like Menage, The Top of Her Game and Velvet Glove. Because then we get the best of both worlds – like a goddess unleashed, she releases her kinkier side while still applying the delicious tension that she uses in her romances.

If you want to learn how to write erotica, I think you could definitely benefit from learning a little from romance authors.

Along these lines, Emma Holly has a great workshop on her site about Steaming Up Your Love Scenes. Ray Girvan also has a nice guide to erotic fiction, with lots of outside references.

If I’ve piqued your interest about Elizabeth Lowell, here are the books I most recommend (many of them have ben re-released lately):

Too Hot to Handle
Fire and Rain
Granite Man

Read the last three in order, if you’re going to read them… they’re part of a series.

What’s my point?

Oh, yes – you could learn a lot from a good old-fashioned bodice ripper, if writing erotica (or even reading it) is your thang. Go ahead, put the eye rolls aside, give ’em a try.

on erotica – part one

You know, a lot of people say that erotica and porn are all pretty much the same thing. And depending on the shape and size of their ruler, it could be they’re right, but I tend to disagree.

Ray Gordon, for those of you who know him, writes porn. In my opinion. His character development is nil, his plots are thin on purpose – it’s like reading the written equivalent of most mainstream het porn. The boys are always randy and so are the girls, and everyone just gets down to the nastiest sex imaginable with very little foreplay much less conversation. And reality takes a dump here; like the action movie star whose gun magically sprays out hundreds of bullets without needing to change the clip, his male and female characters alike are capable of hundreds of orgasms a day with different partners without needing to clean up the sticky mess or recharge the batteries.

Heh. Okay, rant over.

On the other end of the spectrum we have erotic short story collections. Gay anthologies tend to race out of the gate much like Ray Gordon’s books do, above. Het anthologies, however, tend to feel like trying to read fiction by a Canadian author – painful, and more about the literary splendour of the short story rather than good old fashioned sex. Edgy. But not necessarily sexy.

Somewhere in the middle we have online stories found at places like Literotica, ASSTR, BDSM Library. Many different styles here, but most fall closer to Ray Gordon’s style than that of the erotica story collections.

We also have short stories at places like Clean Sheets and Nerve which swing back towards the latter.

Honestly, this is why I read Black Lace books. It’s a nice middle road to take. There’s good old sex and plenty of it without the edgy literary quality of “good” (I use that moniker lightly) erotica but with enough plot and character development that I don’t feel like my intelligence is being insulted. 🙂

Sadly, to digress for a moment here, it’s starting to get very difficult to find the damn books, as a lot of retailers and secondhand shops are getting rid of their erotica sections. Grr. Thank goodness for online shopping!

In part two: why romance writers (or readers) write the best erotica…

sex shopping

Spurred by my recent thinking, I decided to visit Northbound today. Oh, it’s such a candy store in there for me. In my fantasies, I’ll go one day hand in hand with a very devious man who has money to spend there, and he’ll let me pick out the implements and restraints that make my insides clench the most. In reality, my shopping companion was content to simply watch my kid-in-a-candy-store reactions to everything leather and metal and yum.

But I digress. About the shopping. Leather skirts. Oh yum. And leather garters, yum even more. A deliciously far-too-short skirt that comes with hoops and garters. I didn’t really see any shirts that inspired but really, these things would be just as fun worn with a sexy black bra, something that pushes me up and makes a man want to bury his face in between.

And the implements. Oh, my. Let me tell you about those implements. I got to see their riding crop close up and it’s even more delicious in person. Buttery soft leather tongue. Sexy metal cap at the top of the handle.

There was a spanking bench thingy that had so many possibilities my poor little mind was spinning just looking at it. I could see myself, leaning over it, strapped in at wrist and ankle, naked bottom turned upwards, offering it for pleasure or punishment.

Their floggers were also beautiful, traditional black leather with braided handles. A few more daring and interesting ones featured a chrome dildo for a handle. Hmm. 🙂

And sexy black leather paddles. And a round wooden one made of cherry, how yummy. My naughty bits were pulsing just looking at it all.

Sadly, what’s the point of buying them for myself? I shall have to wait until I have a devious man to wield them.

Frustrated, I tripped across the street to the three-storey sex shop and picked up a new vibe (it’s a bullet that looks like a cock – albeit a small one). A short test run tonight confirms that it’s a lovely vibe, and has a couple of speeds far too intense for sober play but might just work when I’m feeling rather tipsy and a little numb.

After my lovely pulsing moaning orgasm, I found my fingers rubbing over the head of the “cock”, turning it around to run the “sweet spot” the manufacturers kindly included in the design. That part of a man’s anatomy is just perfectly shaped for a teasing thumb, rubbing over it in small circles while my fingers wrap around the shaft. Or for a tongue, flicking and stroking over it. It has always fascinated me, that great little bit where cock meets shaft. I could lick it for hours, rub it, play with it and watch his reactions.

Playing with my new little cock reminded me how very long it’s been since I’ve held something shaped like that in my hands. The metal was warm between my fingers, but unyielding, not like the supple skin of a Real Live Cock.

Whew. Warm in here, or is it just me?

I also picked up, finally, a copy of The Fashionistas on DVD. I’ve watched a couple of scenes, but not much, yet – I’ll write a report once I’ve seen it all.