I’ve always believed that everyone’s kink is OK, even if it’s not OK for me. I’d never judge someone (or I’d try really hard not to, at least) on the basis of an element of their kink. Hey, whatever turns you on, so long as it’s consensual, it’s all good.
That said, I’ve never really understood the women’s underwear/women’s clothing aspect of femdom/malesub BDSM. Honestly, it’s one of the biggest things I knew I wouldn’t want. Not because I think less, sexually or emotionally, of people who do it. It’s just:
Look. I’m a feminist. The idea that putting on frilly or pink or satiny clothing or panties makes someone less than, or a sissy, is kind of offensive to me. Because I don’t think being a woman, looking like a woman, feeling like a woman, should ever be something demeaning or less than or in any way embarrassing for anyone because I at my very core do not believe that having female traits is any more embarrassing than having male traits. In other words, why wouldn’t it be ok?
Luckily, my Darling agrees with me (he’s a feminist too, sort of) and we were both on the same page about wearing frilly underpants being a no in our relationship.
Then, we started playing with butt plugs and learned pretty quickly that actually, those gently sloping silicone things don’t actually stay in your ass very well at all. One or two good squeezes is all it can take to make it shoot out of there like a rocket. I have no idea why no one ever seems to talk about this. But I’m telling you now. All of your fantasies of walking someone around (or being walked, depending on which side of the fence you’re playing on) wearing a butt plug pretty much go up in smoke when confronted with the silicon skinny reality. Even bigger ones? Same thing. Shooty McShooty.
So then: I had to start looking for a new butt plug. One that would stay in. What I wanted was simple. I wanted something with a small base (easy to sit on) but broad enough not to get lost up there. I wanted something with a tiny stem that was easy for anal muscles to cling to. And then a nice deep flare that would seat and stay in. Too much to ask? Nay nay. Unfortunately, the only butt plugs that fit this description come with a crystal at the end, all sparkly and bright.
So on one hand I have the desire to not feminize my sub because in my world that would make him more powerful. You see? And on the other I have a very anal greedy sub who I wanted to walk around in a butt plug without having to strap him in like international luggage.
Needless to say, I bought the plug – with a clear crystal, natch, since it would be more masculine. We tried it for the first time last weekend. And I learned something about sparkly (and by inference, feminine) things.
What if it turns you both on not because it’s bad or less or humiliating, but because it’s pretty and your boy has never in his life had a chance to be pretty?
I was amazed at my reaction to seeing that crystal sparkling in the groove between his butt cheeks. It was pretty. I liked looking at it. And it didn’t make him less of a man to have it there. It made him more of a man.
See? Learning things.