the feedback loop


You know, I love it when a comment gets me going enough that it inspires a whole new diary entry. Such as the case in my last post about blowjobs, where Symph asked:

I was wondering what your reaction would be if he just lay there, not reacting at all (cock stays stiff). And if you asked him whether he was enjoying it, he said “yes, very nice”.

Well, I have to be honest. It’s tough. I mean – don’t get me wrong – sucking cock is wonderful regardless of the fireworks that may or may not ensue. The act itself turns me on, regardless of my partner’s reactions. Well, unless he’s trying to run away. 😉

It’s tough at first, though, with a new lover, if he’s a quiet one who doesn’t move around a lot. It’s tough to know what’s working, what isn’t (particularly when these same men invariably seem to say “it’s all good, no really!”).

Feedback is a wonderful thing, I think, regardless of your gender – it’s good reinforcement, but also helps you to learn your partner’s body and what pleases them most. It’s not the only way to do it, but it is one of the easier ones – particularly if you’re not as comfortable discussing the details of sex outside of the bedroom. Or elevator. Or men’s washroom. But I digress.

Not everyone is comfortable with it. And some people even find it distracting when they’re trying to concentrate on the good feelings. But most people if they practice it a few times will learn a few sounds that work for them – a gasp, a mumble, a whispered word – and it makes everyone’s time that much more enjoyable. In my opinion.

But you were asking about my reaction. *laughs* My first reaction, in all honesty, would be to try harder (and wouldn’t you just expect, then, that all my future lovers who stumble on this damn blog will stay shut just to make me pull out all the stops the first try?). Just to see if, you know, I could get them to make a sound. 🙂 But eventually I’d relax, and learn to read body language – the flush of his skin, the color of his cock, the tightness and position of his balls, whether or not his ass is clenching, and how that matches to my actions.

It might take a few tries (and darn, you all know how much I hate practicing) but eventually you can read body language almost as well. It’s not quite as fulfilling as hearing your partner moan or feeling him writhe under your mouth, but it’s close.

And unlike what they’ve always told you, close does count for more than horseshoes.

About the author

Vikki McKay


  • Ok, the one about the horseshoes is going way over my head.
    But the reading the body language bit? I agree with you. Get this, though, with the man I’m thinking of, I know when I’m doing it right if he becomes all motionless!
    (Not a fan of absent feedback, me)

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