why must women be the bearer?


Lately, I’ve been reading some things that make it hard for me to maintain a grip on my feelings towards men. I realize, fully and completely, how stupid and pointless and unfair it is to tar an entire gender with the same brush. And yet. The theme this week seems to be: woman as bearer. First, a book I just finished this week called Nine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women...

it is within you


A blanket response to all the women who have e-mailed me lately looking for relationship advice: I don’t know why it is that women will stay in hurtful, dead or downright abusive relationships for as long as they do. “But I love him!” they moan. [I’m lying. Of course I know why. I used to be the exact same way. I abused myself over and over in bad relationships, and it...

the importance of orgasms


[Wow. Did I really last post something here two months ago? I’m so sorry, folks, it has been a tough time and the days and weeks have been slipping away from me too quickly, sand through my fingers and no real way to grab on of late. But I do promise to try and do better, for the one or two of you who still visit this wee diary.] For the record: I really, really hate the debate about...

from ye old mailbag


Ross writes: Hi I have been going out with my girlfriend now for 16 months now and i just want tips on how to give her better orgasm’s Ross, honey, you’re asking the wrong lady. Why do people always look outside the relationship for suggestions like these? Look, everybody (well, okay, almost everybody) masturbates. I’m going to play the odds here and assume your girfriend does...



You know, I’ve been keeping a sex blog for – what – 4 years now? And it never ceases to amaze me the number of come-ons I get in my inbox every week. That’s not bragging, folks, just for the record; it truly is flabbergasted disbelief. I’ve been approached (via email) by couples, single men, married men, transvestites, subbie boys, dominant men, even a couple of...

from ye olde mailbag


eb writes: im currently with a man that is uncircumcised and i have never been with an un-done man before and i am afraid to go down on him orally ’cause im worried i wont know how to do it. Is it any different? Do you have any tips that would up it a level or two for him? I am crazy to please him, but i just want to do it right! Please help! eb, I feel your pain, girl. Unfortunately, I...

the problem with a sex blog


It is a squeaky and absurdly early hour of the morning, and I found myself sitting here and thinking: what better thing to do than write a post? The problem with a sex-only blog, you see, is that when you hit a period in your life when you don’t have a lot to say about it or are too damned tired to think about it, the blog suffers. Personal and family obligations have kept me from being...

the vaginal orgasm


The inimitable Jonathan Quince (who I really do believe should just officially change his name to that) provided some lovely comments to my 100 sexy things post, not the least of which was this question: 78. Forgive me for sounding ignorant of the workings of female anatomy; but if I might inquire, what’s wrong with the concept of vaginal orgasm? As far as I can tell, the nerve endings on...

psa: the clitoris


I don’t know if this is the same for every woman, so bear with me. A random sampling of my girlfriends made up this argument in the form of Public Service Announcement; your results may vary with other women. We’ve all heard the bit of truism that says lovers tend to touch each other’s genitals (at least at first glance) in the way that they themselves would like to be touched...

that’s it, the search is over


I have finally found the man of my dreams. Game over. The new man in my life, pagan god that he is, wrote me the first email in our new, lifelong correspondence just last night: Hey vikki.. You sound like the perfect babe to me. I am availabel anytime you are. Let’s hook up. Now, really, how could I consider giving myself to any other man, with an offer like that on the table? Sigh. I wish...

Follow Me