I’ve been a tease my entire life.
I can’t even seem to help myself. When I’m with a lover, it just seems to flow naturally and instinctively from me. Discovering what turns my lover on is as exciting a voyage as I’ve ever experienced. And once I know those little tricks, I ply my trade with every opportunity, while still searching for new ones. Even as I tell myself that perhaps I should hold back and stop teasing a little, give the poor guy a break, I find myself reaching for him again and again.
Insatiable, who me?
Now, let me clarify a bit here before I come across as the wrong kind of tease. I’m not talking about teasing and exciting and getting someone all worked up, then walking away. Somewhere in the back of my mind is always the unspoken promise that I’m willing to deliver on the promises my teasing makes.
But I digress. I was talking about discovery.
Every person is different. It makes finding out what makes them squirm exciting and arousing and more fun that any one person has a right to have. I have it anyway. What the hell. 🙂
For some men, it’s hands. Touching his hands, rubbing his hands against my skin. Pressing the very tip of my tongue right in the center of his palm. Licking and sucking his finger, and doing it right in front of his eyes. Letting him watch my tongue as it swirls around and around. Holding his eyes with mine as I slide my mouth slowly down one finger, taking all of it between my lips. And sucking. Doing this while he’s fully clothed makes it even better. Hotter. More suggestive.
For some men, it’s ears. Ears are wonderfully sensitive receptacles for pleasure. Nuzzling my nose against the hollow beneath his ear. Licking delicately and slowly around the edges. Taking the lobe between my lips and pulling gently. Moaning or grumbling lightly, soft and wet, right beside his ear. Again, something that’s just as easy to do while still fully clothed, or even in public. Watching the fireworks begin.
You get the idea. Can’t give away all my tricks. [grin] But for all this, I’ve recently discovered something about myself. And that is the why of my teasing behaviour. Why do I do it? Why can’t I even seem to stop when I want to? And most importantly, as hugely fulfilling and exciting as these teasing activities are, why have I walked away from so many teasing encounters in my life feeling a little disappointed, a little like something was missing?
You see, there was something I didn’t know, all along. My entire life, I’ve been this way, and yet I never knew this about myself: I tease because part of me is secretly hoping that if I push hard enough, tease well enough, my lover will snap out of his nice-nineties-guy, sensitive-lover-type role and roll me over and pin me to the bed.
I have flirted with this image of control, through teasing, because I want him to take control. To perhaps punish (oh but in a good way – heh) me for teasing the hell out of him. To dominate all over a submissive self that I barely even knew that I had.
The most exciting times I’ve ever had in a lover’s arms are when this has succeeded – when the teasing finally became too much, and they threw me onto a bed and ground themselves into me. Or when they’d had enough teasing, and finally grabbed my hands, held them above my head, and went about showing me a taste of my own medicine. Leaving me laying there helpless as they did a little teasing of their own.
And thinking about these episodes in my life – and how much I enjoyed them – made me finally realize, and put the pieces together for the first time in my life.
My entire life I’ve been looking for a power exchange.
I took control because they wouldn’t – being nice, sensitive lovers that many of them were. But even still, I would push and push and push their sexual arousal, hoping (subconsciously) that they would hit their limit and take control – of the situation, of me.
Not a very nice thing to do, really, but as I said I never realized until very recently that this was what was going on.
I thought that my interest in D&S – power exchange – was a new development in my burgeoning sexuality. But it appears I’ve been looking for this for most of my life, and not even realized it.
I thought I would share this voyage of discovery with you.