After keeping a sex-related blog for the last four years, using the services of several different online personals sites, and generally meeting men online in a variety of ways including via chatrooms and forums, I’ve come across enough of a sample to be able to know what is going to work. For me, at least. And guys, I love ya, but some of you have completely terrible online manners (I’m sure the reverse is also true, but I’ve never tried to meet another woman online, so bear with me).
Want to know what works when trying to meet that sexy libidinous goddess of your dreams online? Here are my tips:
1. Learn how to spell and compose a sentence. I’m serious. There are classes for this. Go take one. If you’re not sure you need it, ask someone you chat with regularly (a friend or coworker)if they think you need it. Ask them to be honest.
2. Come up with a better opening line than “hi how are u” or “god your ____ made me so hot baby” or best of all “fuck i’m horney[sic], are you?”.
3. Learn everything you can about her – ask her lots of questions, read her online profile thoroughly, even Google her if you think it will help. And use those things are starting points for discussion. Answer in complete sentences and ask questions.
4. Realize that (above the tits and pussy you’re hoping to get your hands on) there is a brain, and the brain is the Gatekeeper for all the delicious naughty bits. Talk to her about everything, not just sex.
5. Know that in all likelihood, you have competition (ratio is definitely still in the ladies’ favour, at least for now) – stand out from the crowd. Appeal to her mind, be funny, be clever, be honest.
6. Understand that despite how sexy she is, how frank she might be, it still doesn’t mean she’s going to jump into bed with you on your first meeting. As in the bedroom, women take a little longer to warm up to the idea. We want to know what you look like in person, hear your voice, watch your mannerisms, before we can begin to be physically attracted to you.
7. Respect her limits and timing. If she’s ready to meet you in person, she’ll say so. Every woman needs a different amount of time. I can’t emphasize this enough. Don’t push her. If you can’t respect her limits online, and back off when she’s uncomfortable, then she’ll expect the same – and worse – from you offline.
8. Don’t chat with another person while chatting with her. Even if you don’t tell her, she’ll be able to tell by the time delays, and if you can’t even focus on her online, how can she expect you to focus on her offline?
9. Be clear about what you’re looking for. There’s no shame in wanting a casual fuck buddy, but make sure you’re both on the same page as early on as possible.
10. Let her bring up the idea of sharing photos. Guaranteed, you will ask too soon. (Hint: the first ten minutes is too soon.)
11. Make sure you have two photos available (this is just good etiquette for everyone hoping to meet someone online); one closeup of your face and then one full-body photo. Do not share a naked or racy photo of yourself without asking first. And please, please, please, no photos where you’re obviously standing next to your last girlfriend, who has since been cut or Photoshopped out of the picture.
12. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. If you wouldn’t say it or do it in real life, then don’t do it online.