on making assumptions


Vanilla Sex Goddess has summed up some thinking I’ve been doing quite nicely (saving me from having to actually come up with the words myself – bless her):

The reality of the matter is his expectations are clear on what he thinks will happen. And while can’t say I wouldn’t want to have sex with him, I like to think that it is my choice, and that when a guy takes me out, he is going to try to impress me and woo me a bit. If I suspect a man, who I have not been in a relationship with, assumes that I’m going to have sex with him, I am turned off and insulted. (Which may not be reasonable, but that’s how I feel.)

Yes. I agree. Perhaps that makes me unreasonable, too. 🙂

I’m not against the casual fuck, really I’m not (though it’s not for me, not right now anyway), but unless I’ve stated in clear terms that I plan on doing so, it would be so nice to be talked to, kissed a little maybe, without any expectations that I’m going to trip them and beat them to the floor.

In other news, I finally finished the About page – if you’re not already deathly sick of Vikki already, you can learn more there. And a big thank-you to everyone who wrote in and gave me some ideas for the page. I hope I’ve answered most of your questions.

And finally, a note about Halloween. I did it. Yes, I actually splurged at Northbound and picked up a leather corset, leather cap, silver slave collar (ok, that one was just for me – grin) and yummy leather riding crop. Too much fun. More on that later.

For now, I’m off to play with some toys. Cheers.

About the author

Vikki McKay


  • When I saw VSG’s post, my immediate reaction was that she might be confusing hope with expectation. And every man has hope. Sure, there are a few arrogant guys out there who have expections, but in the bulk of cases I’m pretty sure we’re talking about a typical male/female communications mismatch. Two species divided by a common body language, if you will.
    Now, about your splurge…when do we get to see the pictures?

  • Oh, don’t get me wrong – I am flattered by hope. Only when it turns into assumption does it become something that might offend.
    You’re right, AverageJoe, sometimes it’s just miscommunication, trying to figure out the other person’s level of interest. And I do realize men tend to be more direct about it.
    For my part, I don’t always know if I’m going to sleep with a man on a first, second, or heck, even third date (gasp, I know). The best bet is to kiss me. If I enjoy it, I might want another. And who knows where that could lead?

  • While I certainly agree and understand the point that you and VSG share (and rightfully so), I only ask that you factor one other thought into your “equation”.
    Men (in general) are dense and not very perceptive creatures. Many have the ability to be as subtle as a bus crash. What may on the surface seem to be a blatant (and rude) “expectation” may simply be a (poorly worded) attempt to glean some insight as to the current level of … um … interest?!?
    Just a thought… from the Perspective of an Average Joe

  • I’m really sick to the point of vomiting from ass-kissing comments like those from Average Joe…”Men (in general) are dense and not very perceptive creatures…”, etc. Where the hell is this knee-jerk, men-are-bad mentality coming from, and when will it finally end? Vanilla wants to be “wooed and impressed” Ok, so what is that, like, morally superior, or, more “sensitive” than her date’s desire to simply fuck? Why don’t we all (women included) simply admit that we want things on our own terms?

  • Well, I can’t speak for Vanilla, but I can speak for me. And for me, it’s got nothing to do with moral superiority. (geez, thought that was obvious!) It’s very simply about one thing:
    I like to know the face I fuck.
    If I want to fuck something without a face, without a personality, quirks, interests – you know, the stuff it takes a while to find out – then I’ve got my battery-operated friends.
    You can fuck lots of people – any one you like, really – without getting to know them first. You just won’t be able to fuck *me*. Not because I’m morally superior, but because I’m just not interested in anything less.
    That said, communication can be difficult, and awkward, regardless of who the communicators are. That’s all Joe was trying to say.

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