Please be warned that there’s a lot of vitriol below about men (particularly the just-out-of-the-box Republican kind), government, politics and Texas. A lot of it owes to my three whole hours of sleep last night. If you’re not in the mood to read acid, feel free to skip. 😉

So, Bacchus linked to a news story about a woman in Texas who sells sex toys at private parties (a la Tupperware) who got arrested for obscenity.

Sex shops, according to the article, avoid this very fate by posting signs that say “sold as novelties only”. This lady didn’t post any such sign, and so got nabbed by them fine upstandin coppers down in Texas.

That’s right. Because she stood there and basically said “Hell, yes, they’re for sex, and they’re not novelties but real implements that bring real pleasure to real people who desperately need it particuarly if they’re living in the Bible Belt or whatever the hell backward sexual purgatory the Texas Republicans would like it to be.”

You’ve just GOT to know that it was some white, pasty-faced, Republican male lawmaker who has two square missionary chits a week, each lasting no more than three or four minutes while the good and obedient wife lays back and thinks of home and country and whatever she can do to fight them durn terrorists even if it’s submitting to her husband like a good little slave, er, wife… who decided it was only OK for them pink plastic things to be sold as novelties, no real threat to a man’s lovemaking whatsoever, certainly not capable of producing real orgasms and real sexual ennui or god forbid, teaching those selfsame obedient Republican wives that there’s more to life than in, out, in, out, five or six repetitions, twice a week.

What message are we sending here? It’s obscene to talk about orgasm and buy aids for orgasm, even if they’re aids derived from stuff invented by men, male doctors in particular, to help stop those “crazy whining vapours” we women seemed prone to back at the turn of the century? Yes. Men invented vibrators to bring women off, in what is one of the most revolting sexual history stories you’ll ever read about, and now that we’ve figured out they work, goshdarnit, work better than a man sometimes, more tireless than fingers, more precise than a tongue, capable of giving us mindless screaming orgasms any old time we want, men have been trying to shove them into the “novelty” category ever since. God forbid that they actually invented competition for themselves…

Oh, I feel so much better.

About the author

Vikki McKay


  • Maybe I’m just spoiled here, living in Canada (land of the really free, where there are dozens of lubricious sex shops like the women-owned Come As You Are, and at least two different home-party sex toy companies). But then again, gays are allowed to marry up here, and all kinds of other nice sexual freedoms we take for granted exist here, as well.
    As to issue_master, I’ll say that if the women in your life are lucky enough to have regular orgasms without external help, kudos to them. But don’t dismiss sex toys as something only lonely women use and to state that sex toys can’t help a married couple’s sex life – or just spice it up. Some of the most enjoyable times I’ve had with my battery-operated friends were when they were used on a partner, or used on me by a partner, or some other two-people-present combination.
    As well, I have to say there’s a BIG damned difference between a billboard of a spread pussy and a private party in someone’s home. And nobody’s talking about children here. We’re talking about consenting adults at a private party.
    Have you ever seen one of these parties? Harmless. A few toys get passed around from one person to the next to look at and giggle over, and then each person is taken into a private room with the sales rep to place their order. Nearly as harmless as a Tupperware party, really.
    And don’t get me started on my opnion of the government in general regulating what I can and cannot do with a legally consenting adult in my own home!!

  • wow, issue_master, were you just trolling with “Does anyone really believe a buzzer keeps couples together?”, or do you really believe that? Does bad sex get in the way of intimacy? I sure think it can. Does that lead to breakups? I sure think it can.
    And count me in as one who’s found a lot more room for discussion and understanding and just plain fun with my partner because we play with sex toys.
    And on laws on sodomy, check out the Supreme Court’s ruling in June this year on Lawrence v. Texas. Most fun was all the mouth-breathers who got up-in-arms over the decision…

  • not all Texas Republicans are Bible thumping Baptist. Some of us even have sex and enjoy it.
    I agree wirh your thrust, aka cops being from here (area) it was soley some two bit politician trying to enamore his self with the thumpers/// Much to your horror and total amazement might that politic even be a {( DEMOCRAT )} I think so???????????????? aha people are funny//

  • As an atheistic Republican-equivalent (I refuse to state a preference, so I’m a “decline to state,” but my leanings put me in the Republican/Libertarian camp), let me say that not all of us are sitting here just waiting to pounce on the vibrator-mongers among us. The extremeists who do this are in their way just as nuts as the PC whackos who want to expunge Christianity from public sight, like it’s some dirty little habit that should be kept behind closed doors. And don’t get me started on the topic of monitors of “hate speech,” like the dirtbags who tried to get a college student student punished for posting a flyer advertising a conservative speaker. There’s plenty of sanctimonious, busybody nutlogs on both sides.

  • Oh, quit blowing off steam and get us an email address where us normal people can send our support. We are talking about toys, for goodness sake! I wonder how many toy guns are sold at Christmas time in Texas, and the old frauds are worried about a toy penis? Give me a break!

  • Sounds like my Democrat controlled city that does not even allow “novelty” stores. Unlike the surrounding area which is more evenly split politically, if not Republican leaning, where such places are tolerated. Both parties have their fair share of repressiveness.

  • The truth of course is that the government can and does step into our bedrooms. It is against the law in many states to commit adultry. It is against the law to engage in sex with those underage. It is my understandig that sodomy and homosexual sex is illegal in many states. Ms. Webb appears to have violated the law regarding novelty sales. Essentially municipalities have the right to restrict the place and manner in which sexual material can be sold. They do so to protect the young and impressionable so that a 12 year old is not forced to become an adult too quickly. Ms. Webb pulled the novelty store out of its zoning and took it on the road. The police became aware of it. Perhaps it was common knowledge in the neighborhood. Regardless the novelty marketing was expanding. At what point does the community have a right to restrict it? When the billboard has an open pussy about to receive a buzzer?
    Webb said: “These devices that I sell are marital aids, and I want to help couples stay together,” Does anyone really believe a buzzer keeps couples together? Webb sure looks to have been caught with her pants down, grasping for justification. Truth be told, the vast majority of the hard core novelty users are lonely women. A woman that will accept as company plastic and squish jelly has retreated from life. A squish jelly novelty has only one proper place and that is in the hands of a man with the woman bound and sightless before him.

  • Wow! An anti-Republican diatribe. I almost thought about jumping parties after that.
    Sorry to burst your bubble, most of the guys I know that are liberals are pussies and have the sexual creativity of spoiled breast milk.
    I’ve been reading your site and can tell you there’s nothing in your stories that are out of bounds for this Republican. So, let’s dispense with the labels about puritanical beliefs.
    Then again, maybe you’re right..perhaps Howard Dean, Dick Gephardt, Joe Liebermann, and John Kerry are actually closet sexual dynamo’s…

  • Erg. The last thing I intended was a political debate.
    OK guys, I usually keep my political views out of the site – obviously, that’s been a good choice. I’m asking you to PLEASE not post any more comments for this thread, because really, it was just a way for me to blow off some steam. And yes, it’s my steam, my site, that’s all there is to it!
    Thanks for listening, now go and look at some kinky Christmas stuff!

  • Tell me about it!
    I do not think a political observation that hit the mark so dead on can really be called a “rant”.
    Certainly Will Rogers never ranted (though he seldom, if ever, discussed sex unless he was on stage at the Follies).
    I was once a Liberal Democrat. Born and raised in the Democratic party.
    I believe in the right for all of us to explore our full natures.
    I was a Cop in San Francisco for almost 17 years. A city that, itself, had to fight to find it’s own sexual identity.
    However much I agree with your comment, I must comment on on aspect of it. I can tell you, Vikki, the kind of stupidity involved in this isn’t limited to Republicans (although the comprise most of it).
    Politics is all about image.
    Nothing gains votes like “cleaning up the town”.
    I wonder, how would they hold up to an investigation of their own home? Half the politicos I knew were into BDSM, fire-play, and probably did strange things to play-doh.
    Thanks for tellin’ it like it is Vikki, and keep up the good work.

  • I saw this woman’s story on the local news.
    There are plenty of “sex parties” here, though primarily I receive emails inviting me to attend a friend’s house or a friend of a friend to get together and have fun and buy toys. It seems the better way to go about things if one does not follow the letter of the law.
    Unfortunately, you assume cops are dumb pricks down here, but that’s a bullshit assertation. Prick cops are everywhere. Most of the time, those same cops are saving my ass, all without a lot of thanks.
    News, by it’s very nature does not report postive things that our occuring in the world. Sorry you thought you could read this “incredulous” story and take out all your own personal fustrations on my state, but, no way, so sorry charlie.

  • Oh, yeah, nothing says hot sex like “Republican.” Really. They put a fat, throbbing dick in the White House and they’ve fucked an entire country.
    Of course they ain’t too good at foreplay …

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