the caloric content of semen

The official word is out, and it’s heartening to behold.
The caloric content of semen is something I’ve joked around with my girlfriends for years. Somewhere along the line I got it in my head that it was around 75 calories. I thought this was A Good Thing. After all, what’s 75 calories in the whole grand scheme of things? If anything, I used this small caloric content over the years to convince women I knew who were reticent about doing the deed that swallowing can be fun.
Okay, confession time here. I know in this safety-first age of sex, an age where AIDS or hepatitis C can come up and bite you on the ass – literally – that swallowing can be A Bad Thing. Unless with a life partner – both of whom have been tested and cleared, I know (like every good Citizen) that prodigious use of condoms, plastic wrap, dental dams and the like is neccessary. That swallowing semen is a no-no in a big way. After all, we have our long-term health to think about, right? What’s more important here – the rest of your LIFE or a one-off?
Safety precautions duly noted, I just can’t do it. I love feeling a man come in my mouth. I can’t imagine giving head with a condom on. I can’t imagine letting it shoot and hit me in the eye. And after all, isn’t it what we all want – to convulse and break apart while our lover holds us in their mouths? Anything else is less – severely less. Life-threatening or not, I just can’t gear myself up to do it. It would be like ordering a hot fudge sundae and leaving behind that big glob of hot fudge they leave in the bottom of the glass! Unthinkable! It’s your prize, your reward.
Yeah, I know. I’m going to hell one day. But I’ll do it having fun, dammit.
So. Caloric content. Turns out I was wrong on a scale of ten! According to Salon.com, semen contains just 5 calories or so. Plus iron and zinc and proteins! It’s health food, for goodness sakes!
What all this means is, ladies, indulge yourselves. I could have twenty of these a day and not gain weight! In fact with the proteins and iron and zinc, I’d probably be a healthier person for it! Gives a whole new meaning to terms like “liquid diet”, “protein power plan” and “one-a-day vitamin”.
Best news I’ve had all day.