the sexless marriage, redux


It is constantly amazing and deeply saddening to me to know that one of the most popular pages on this site (via search engines) is my post from last year called the sexless marriage.

Sad enough that I opened up comments on the post, figuring maybe someone would want to talk about it. And sure enough, today, a lovely lady named Tammy made this comment:

I am attractive and an proportional size, but he has made me feel fat, ugly, and unworthy of his love. We only have sex when he wants and that is about once every four months. Only one time has he made love to me in the past four years when I wanted too. He has rejected me nearly two hundred times over the past five years. I have been jeolous thinking there is another woman or even thinking another man. I even doubt, he loves me and I think he just wants me to help pay for his new house. Why would I feel this way? Do you think I should give him another chance or just get counseling for my depression or both?

I should probably preface my reply by saying I’m decidedly not a counsellor, doctor, therapist, or anyone else remotely qualified to be giving advice.

Tammy, honey, it seems to me that you’ve got a 100% right to be feeling depressed. The one person in the whole world who is supposed to love you and cherish you and find you irresistably, fuckably hot doesn’t make love to you. Believe me when I say I’ve been there.

At one point my ex-husband and I went over a year without sex. It wasn’t at all unusual to go for six months or more, the rest of our last few years together. Not for lack of trying on my part. I did the lingerie, the naughty notes, the porn, the morning come-on, all of it.

I’ve gone through it all. The endless rejections picking away at your self-esteem, wondering what you could do better, how you could be more attractive to him. Finally curling up into a little ball inside, afraid to even ask. Acting like it doesn’t matter, doesn’t hurt you more with every passing day. Wondering if there’s another woman. Wondering how often he jacks off, if at all. Wondering if maybe it’s even another man. All perfectly normal reactions.

And I can’t tell you what to do. I can tell you what I did.

I talked to him about it. Often enough so that he knew I was deadly serious about this, without nagging him too much about it. At one point he was willing to try counselling. At another point he gave me carte blanche to sleep with other men, since it was obviously my problem, wanting sex as often as I did, hussy that I am. Some time later we brought up the counselling thing again, and went to meet with the doctor. But a month or two later, he told me he thought he’d sacrificed enough for me, and wasn’t willing to sacrifice more. I was on my own with this problem.

Even my personality and demeanour began to change. I sunk into myself like something hollow collapsing inward. I wasn’t a smartass anymore. I was quiet and hopeful and desperate, and I didn’t even know it. Eventually I had to make a choice—because in the end, all successful relationships are about compromise. The things that were on my personal compromise chopping block were self-esteem, sexuality, and personality. I could choose him or I could choose myself.

I chose myself.

Make no mistake. It wasn’t an easy decision. I loved him. And lots of other women choose not to do what I did.

I don’t know what the right decision is for you. It will take a long period of soul-searching. But in the end the choice will be clear. Either you love him enough to stay, or you love yourself enough to leave. Nobody will judge you, whatever your choice. Just make sure that whatever choice you make is one you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with.

I’ll be thinking of you, Tammy, and wish you well in your journey.

About the author

Vikki McKay


  • Vikki,
    Thank you for sharing your experience. I thought maybe I had went crazy, but deep down I know I am worthy of love. It doesn’t always make it easier for either one of us, but at least we know we are not the only two women that have experience this withdrawal and rejection. I know my man thought of me as his best friend, but I wanted more than he was willing to give or share with me. The deep part of him, I wanted so much to love. We were engaged, so we had no nasty divorce, I can smile about this.
    I do love him very much, but I think I will have to choose me. It won’t ever change in our relationship, I know that deep down. He says he does really love me. But there have been many more times he said he wasn’t sure how he felt for me. He would always come back to me when I would leave, so I would try and try again with no prevail only broken promises. I never once reached out to sleep with another, but the fact other men would still ask me out would give me second thoughts to why do I punish myself so much.
    I just deserve to be happy in love. I also am not a sex feen, I just want to be loved and know my man wants to love me and desire me, if only once in awhile. Not once in a great while.
    It has been to much on me, I will seek counseling and if he chooses to go, only will I see one more time to try it again. But I don’t think he will go with me anyway. It maybe finally over, but it may be the beginning of something good about to change in my life, I think this to be true.
    I really do. πŸ™‚
    Take care…

  • Just stumbled acorss your blog today, and saw this post. This passage especially struck home:
    I sunk into myself like something hollow collapsing inward. I wasn

  • Lmoon, your post almost made me want to cry. So much good will, so much to work with, but still no joy.
    The idea of getting sex advice from strangers on the internet is sufficiently repugnant that I shrink from saying what follows. But obviously I’m going to go ahead, and damn the torpedoes.
    A common sex-columnist-advice-tip for ladies who don’t come with their men, and want to, is to introduce a Hitachi Magic Wand into the equation. (Apparently this is one case where brand and model do matter.) Most guys like playing with power tools enough to go along with the gag, and many women swear (and shout, and scream) by the results. Or so say the experts.
    And no, I don’t think there is such a thing as a man without erotic fantasies, not a live one anyway. But the thought of actually telling them to your lady love? If you are all insecure, and most of us guys are, there can be a physical sensation of impossibility, like a cable has been twisted around your throat and twisted tight.

  • Like looking in a mirror… Trying everything – the lingerie, the waiting at the door naked, the books, the games, the offers of *anything* he wanted to do…
    Ugh. Now (after mentioning divorce) he’s horny and wants to try. I don’t want him to touch me – and when he does, I’m numb. And he just doesn’t have “it’ – you know, that complete sexual surrender when you are with someone that makes you hot. The ‘sexual committment’ it takes to *be* with the person you are with.
    I too, am in the process of choosing myself….

  • Man, I love having sex in the morning (well, at any time of the day, really) but my boyfriend *hates* the “morning come-on.” He actually hisses at me and tells me to go away! I’m thinking this has something to do with the fact that he cannot wake up on his own and therefore, his mom had to bust into his room and bug him every morning of his youthful life. But still! Grrr.

  • Bacchus, thanks for your post!
    The Magic Wand… *smiles*
    Yes – that was an idea of mine, too. But alas – you can’t get them here in Germany. And if you do, they don’t work correctely, because our electrical power system works differentely from the supply in the US.
    I tried with another one. Yes, had me sreaming. But without him.
    I’m going to find a way to make it work. I will.
    Thank you. LMoon

  • *sigh* this brought back so many memories. I was married for 9.5 years to a man who made me feel fat and lazy and ugly & also a dirty hussy for being horny. We didn’t have sex at all the last 4 years of our marriage. He told me I was “too fat and loose” for him to enjoy vaginal intercourse (then denied ever saying that), so he only wanted anal, even if I bled. I finally put a stop to that. Divorce was the only solution.
    My current husband (who adores me & I him) & I have a glorious sex life – and one that I never dreamed was possible! AFter 2.5 years, we are still finding new ways to pleasure each other!
    Oh, and yes, I do like anal, but not with no lube, and not if it makes me bleed ….

  • It’s tough for me to see all the people in the same boat, past or present. LMoon, you’re in my thoughts, girl. Maybe you could just masturbate for him, and he for you? You’d still only be jerking off, but at least you’d be in the same room…
    Bacchus, is it really that hard for men to share their sexual fantasies? I had the same problem with my ex as well, just told me he didn’t have any.
    And Sunshine, I’m glad you’ve found a man to enjoy the wondrous sexy nippled extravaganza that is you. You deserve it, after what you’ve been through. It’s a wonderful reminder that marriage does not have to be about putting part of yourself on a shelf and locking it away.

  • Well, Vikki, I guess I shouldn’t speak for all men, as I’ve never been able to stand the implausible crudities that pass for conversation among men about sex, and so I don’t know that much about what other men feel on the subject.
    Me, I’ve got more fantasies in my head than I could try in a dozen lifetimes, at least at the rate I haven’t been trying them out lately. But talking about them was never easy, even when things were at their best with my lady. You think “What if she thinks I’m sick or wierd and goes away?” Or you’re just not sure how to say the words without feeling foolish. Male insecurities, pretty typical, much bigger deal than logic would suggest they should be.
    A lot of guys have learned they can’t get away with refusing to talk about stuff that makes them uncomfortable. But if you deny that it exists, then you can refuse to talk about it. It’s a fairly typical male communication pattern for guys who aren’t quite so verbal as me.
    So no, I don’t believe any man has no sexual fantasies, but I can understand the impulse toward denial. Although I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anything AS STUPID IN MY ENTIRE LIFE as lying about that subject when some loving woman amorously inquires. Some guys just need a swift kick in the auxiliary brains to get the blood moving again or something. Sorry, rant over now.

  • Bacchus, what a hoot! πŸ™‚ I often thought that men were reluctant to share their fantasies because they didn’t always get the connection put so bluntly on ‘Friends’ – “If you tell me, I might do it!”.
    LMoon, if you’re still in the market for books, I highly recommend The Guide To Getting It On. I don’t usually like advice/technique books (been there, done that, got the T-shirt) but this one was good enough I not only read it, I bought myself a copy. You can read one of its chapters (on one of my favourites, finger fucking) here:
    And yes, do keep trying. The marriage is over when both partners stop trying, even if no one admits it.

  • LMAO:
    “Let the Vulva Come to You, Grasshopper Guys who are more experienced at lovemaking often begin with …”
    Now this is a cool one…but I have to find the Grashopper Guy! πŸ˜‰ Thanks – I’m gonna get my copy via Amazon!

  • The sexless marriage? usually the complaint is from husbands…but there seems a number of reasons that sex and love go “stale” after a few years of marriage, and all the nonsese about meeting your spouse in a hotel room and dressing like parochial school girl etc are simply a grasping at some attempt to change things–for a short time.
    There seem to be a few reasons why sex declines within marriages, other than the clearly dysfunctional reasons that do in some marriages exist.
    Try reading somne stuff on evolution etc and you should come up with a few explanations.
    Or, no time, write me.

  • Just as an FYI,’s “TODAY” section is asking for stories about sexless marriages.
    They say, “Do you find that your marriage is starving for sex? You and your spouse are just too busy, too stressed, or too tired? If so, we

  • Marrying someone with whom you are a sexual mismatch is a huge me..I know. Anyone who is even contemplating such an idea should run the other direction as fast as possible. I married a man who was inhibited and unskilled sexually prior to marriage. Foolishly, I thought things would improve with time, patience and a little “education”. Boy, was I wrong. 20 years later, and a multitude of reasons why I cannot extricate myself from this, things are no better. Now my hubby uses his age (only 51) and fatigue as his biggest excuse. Sexually, I am marooned. I feel very fortunate to have an internet lover with whom I can swap fantasies and phone sex. For now, it is my most viable alternative. I once heard a sound byte from Dr. Phil who said “if you think sex ain’t important in a relationship..just ask the person whose not getting any.” Amen.

  • vikki,
    i’ve only just discovered your site, and i love it already… another devoted reader arrives…
    i’ve recently made the incredibly difficult decision to end a 10 year marriage for very similar reasons laid out in your first post. i chose myself. even with 3 young children, as tough as it is right now, and undoubtedly will get tougher at times, i am more self aware, self confident and just downright sexy than i was whilst i was living with my husband. it is a hard selfish decision to make, but i eventually came to the conclusion, the happier i am, then the happier my kids will be… so far so good…

  • Looking for some advice…. Have been married for 13+ years. Husband has childhood guy friend who is putting a strain on our marriage. The guy seems to impose himself on our time & funds or demand my husband spend alot of time with him. Husband seems to bend to his will quite easily. Guy is single, barely making a paycheck, and still living with his parents. How can I dimish his power over my husband. I know my spouse is not gay or anything but this friendship has crossed the normal into the abnormal. I believe my husband loves me but this situation is just weird. Help!

  • Interesting to find this site. I am married for 20 years to a man 11 years older. The sex life has never been that good. I feel great and I am fit. My husband is always sick and now in his 50s has prostrate problems. Sex life is non-existent.I am in my early forties. We also have two children.
    Feel doomed to life of masterbation…no romance or sex…divorce seems like a very bad choice for all the reasons of economics and the children…but that means I suffer.
    I feel very vibrant and hate to give up this part of my life and womanhood. The alternatives also seem painful. I would love to hear advice from others…

  • Omg am i glad i happened upon this site!
    Look up a sexless, love-hate marriage in any dictionary & you shall find a picture of my husband & I. We have a 1 year old child. Before conception, i was every bit the intensely passionate seductress i enjoyed being. While pregnant, i lost all mojo & wasnt wanting the slightest touch from him. ( this is also when he began nit picking & making me feel so un desirable)
    After the baby was born, it took me at least 4 months & i was back in the game, however now he had lost all desire for me.
    He gets angry all the time that i dont “initiate” sex. When i feel as if IM the one who needs to be made to feel sexy! So far, he makes me feel ( on a daily basis) like some randon woman who gave him a child, & for everything else, i am useless to him. I get no love or support when i am upset, He denies any accusations of mistreating me or miscommunicating with me, and is impossibly arrogant & irrational. Wow, im sorry, i kind of went off there…
    Well, he knows i have cheated on boyfriends in the past when i was sexually dissatisfied, but i have remained faithful as can be to him. I am so very tempted, the lure of a man who finds me sexually desireable is torture to resist, but i manage. we are attempting counceling, ( sigh) and i have even ( dont laugh) written doctor phil! Sex is a very important tool in marriage, no matter what anyone says. I’d give anything to have the kind of relationship where all you have to do is glance at your spouse & know its time for you two to disappear from the crowd for a quick tryst. Or engage in sensual lovemaking that lasted beyond 4 minutes of BangBangBang & him rolling over to snore, thinking im satisfied.. Bottom line, im glad im not necessarily alone, but i still feel so :S I appreciate the chance to let me vent, & encourage reader’s input.

  • All these comments hit so close to home. Been married 20+ years. No kids. One income (mine). We haven’t been intimate in 4+ years. We’ve had sex maybe 5 times in the last 10 years. Last time we did it was almost a “why bother?” type of experience. I’ve tried asking, talking… We’ve seen a counselor exactly once; My wife felt guilty about it and made sure we had sex during the week before the appointment in hopes that I would feel things were changing. Her mantra is “I’m trying, be patient.” Well, I’m running out of patience. I hate to throw away a marriage I’ve spent so much time in, and likely a house and life that I (otherwise) like, but I’m really at the end of my rope. It’s gotten so bad, my self esteem so badly eroded, that I’ve actually considered suicide. Why not? It’s not like leaving her is going to guarantee that I’ll find someone who *will* be intimate with me, and I hate life without the intimacy. I’m not completely unattractive, but I’m now a mid-40s guy who, admittedly, never seemed to attract much attention from the opposite sex anyway. On the other hand, I was sexually active as a teen, I now believe I had more (and more satisfying) sex between the ages of 14 and 18 than I have in the last 20 years.
    I’m on the verge of making another appointment with a marriage counselor, but am now waffling, asking myself if it’s worth the bother. I can’t imagine things will change much. I’m also considering “stepping out”, as much as I’d hate to do that. Then again, it’s not like I have anyone I can step out *with*. I (almost) thank god for free internet porn, at this point. πŸ™
    While it’s good to see I’m not alone in this, that doesn’t help my situation much. Any suggestions as to what I should really do? I’m so strung out on lack of emotion in my life (except frustration and anger, that is) that I’m turning to complete strangers. Ah, what a (non) fucking life… Thanks, at least, for letting me vent.
    — Drowning in my marriage

  • I’m almost in tears because of how lonely I feel in our marriage. I feel selfish for wanting sex. I think about having an affair or leaving the marriage but there are severe consequences for that, especially with 2 sons to raise yet (high school and jr. high). I don’t want to hurt her by leaving or cheating but I’m SO lonely. I ache for a loving tender touch. Sex is maybe monthly, and then it’s “the chore”, just something to do so I’m not so grumpy. She’s seeing a counselor and taking anti-depressants, but that doesn’t help me/us in our relationship.
    I wish I could reach out and hug and hold a lonely woman, someone who’s endured the years of neglect that I have. I sometimes try to imagine the joy that there might be. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt joyful.

  • WOW,
    Reading everybody’s story about how angry and full of resetment a person can be in a sexless marriage made me feel so much better. I have been married for 3 years and with my husband for a grand total of 6 years. We met when I was young and we were married at 21. I never had sex with anyone else before him because I always knew the first person that I had sex with would be my husband. God, just thinking about that pisses me off. I NEVER HAD SEX WITH ANY ONE ELSE!!!!(Oh and I forgot to add that he had multiple partners before me) And now I am in a sexless marriage. It started dwindling after we moved in together and now we have sex like once every 3 months, if that. I keep thinking about other men now too… which I never used to do in the past but 5 or 6 months without sex can do that do a person!!! I try and talk to him and he always says we’ll work on it. I DONT WANT TO WORK ON IT.. I WANT TO HAVE SEX! I am only 24 years old. If he doesnt snap out of it I think I may have no choice but to leave. I want to a healthy sex life and eventually have kids. The way I’m going I’ll wont have either.
    We live two parellel lives and we barely know eachother. Sometimes I just feel so alone because I can’t even talk to people about without them judging me or him. And I question myself. ” Do I even want to have sex with him anymore” He has denied me so many times over the years that the insecurty of knowing that he hasnt wanted me before and more than likely doesnt want me when I want sex makes me not to want to even try. Which eventually makes me not want him” It is like a vicious cycle and think i want out. I want to be young!!!! Not stuck in a sexless marriage like my parents are.

  • I’m sad and angry but finding that I’m not alone in this situation helps me somewhat. I have compromised…”You don’t have to make love to me, just wrap around me for a few minutes before we fall asleep. I just need some affection.” He refuses.
    Like others have said, I feel ugly. And, I’m not! My word, I modeled for a living for years and even today I’ve maintained the same weight and I have men look at me or make passes except…for my husband.
    I have cried, yelled, pretended nothing was wrong, and have even begged but nothing works. I consider myself lucky that another man hasn’t caught my attention because I’m unloved and sexually starved. His response? “I don’t have answers for you.”

  • I’m relieved to find this site–a place where I can relate completely to what everyone here is experiencing. I’m a 41-year-old attractive female. I’ve been married for three and a half years, together for nearly 7 years. From the moment we married (after living together 3 yrs), sex stopped pretty abruptly. If we have sex once every 5-6 months, it’s usually because I’m complaining about it. I was initiating it frequently, but finally got fed up because he never initiates it. I’ve tried talking to him about my feelings on this till I’m exasperated. In the past, I know for a fact that he used internet porn sites for whatever reason. Now he has locked those up on secure sites, so I have no idea what he’s doing or how he takes care of his own needs. I imagine he takes care of himself just fine through mastrubation==a seemingly selfish endeavor. I suggested counseling and even offered to purchase a book or two on the subject, but he refused, saying he’d never read it. I’m terribly frustrated and noticing other men more often now, wondering what it would be like with someone else. His rejection makes me feel unloved, unattractive, and just another “gal friend” of his. We are more like roommates than lovers. He is only 42. Had a Dr. check up and everything is fine. At this point, I’ve lost my own attraction to him and can’t even imagine how I would “fake” it if we got together intimately again.
    Terribly frustrated and sad in Seattle,

  • I wish I didn’t have to be on this site, but I guess I belong hre. I am now a roomate to my husband also. He says he thinks of sex all the time but is too worried about money or too tired by the time we go to bed for sex. He has plenty of energy for getting up at the crack of dawn to drive 40 miles to football games with friends and spend 10 hours there though. We have no intimacy at all, we have sex maybe 10 times a year, and it is always good when we do have it. I think that we are both too out of it to even ask now. In public we never kiss or hug or even have an imtimate glance, because “he is not that type”. If i remark on another coupke who will seem close or affectionate with one another he will have a comment like”they are putting on an act”.
    He is asleep on the couch most nights before the kids even go to bed, then he will get up and announce ” I am gloing to bed” If I follow and get undressed and slip into bed, he is snoring before I hit the sheets. I am an attractive woman in my 40’s and still want a playful, and passionate sex life, oh hell I want any sex life at this point. I cry myself quietly to sleep 2 times a week. I am also a roomate, and a housekeeper…not a lover.

  • Oh wow. This site (although I haven’t been able to check it often because of the holidays) is truly helping me. Why is it we don’t have a problem telling someone in person, that our husband/wife has done something that hurt us but to mention that we’re married to a man who is basically sexless, is so humiliating? I feel like I’d be betraying him if I told any of my girlfriends although he doesn’t seem to be bothered that I feel betrayed by his refusal to touch me!
    So, he has taken a new job that if a two hour flight from where we live and I’ve decided to stay where I am. Why pick up and uproot my life so I can be alone, in more ways than physical, but in a strange city? Sadly, even though he knows he’ll be leaving after the first of the year and will probably only see me twice a month, he has not held me or made love to me. I’m to the point of anger now and what scares me is I’m also looking at other men and wondering what they would be like. I’ve never done that and it doesn’t even bother me that I’m now doing it!
    I have also been drinking too much so today I’m going to join a local gym and start working out and I’m going to stop drinking and self-destructing! I’m not going to let this so called husband/companion ruin me! I’m worthy!

  • I guess as a sexually starved man, I find it hard to believe that there are this many women out there complaining about not having sex?! I assumed that men would be the ones complaining. I asked my wife if once a week was asking too much of her and she replied, “No”. But if we get together every 6-8 weeks I’m lucky. Even then there isn’t a whole lot of effort on her part. I would do anything she would ever want and still can’t get a spark?? After 16 yrs of marriage and being together for 19 yrs you would think she would wake up. Our sex life has steadily declined with each year. Our kids are teenagers and require less maintance but she is still exhausted ever day and night and has not time or interest in me. I am to the point where I consider divorce but I don’t want to put my kids through that. I have even had a couple of flings over the years just to keep my sanity but that is just too risky. I don’t know what the answers are, but wish there was some way to get just a little attention. I also do not think that is ask a lot of someone who is suppose be your wife?

  • I posted on the other thread and I will here too. I hear this from SOOOO many people and frankly – something is seriously wrong here with this no sex thing. I was obsessed with my soon to be ex not wanting it. I was SURE it was me. I got videos, toys, outfits, etc. You NAME IT. I offered to get another woman or another guy at one point (and believe me – I HAD to be desperate). I finally started surfing internet erotica & masturbating until the whole issue had me feeling awful & pathetic. I was very anti-divorce but then, thru counseling, I finally saw it wasn’t me. I begged him to come with me for counseling or on his own. But NO – nothing wrong with him, he’s perfect and I am an animal. (we had sex ONLY when I BEGGED for it…. ugh and when we did it was as if he wasn’t even in the room – very mechanical. If I did anything to him he would say “you LIKE that?” or “WHERE did you learn that?”) It wasn’t like that at first.
    Then I realized it was a form of control. I started reading books & sites on Narcissists at the suggestion of a friend. I read books about verbal & emotional abuse. I started posting at – and I saw – I wasn’t alone. I had to get out. Not for the sex but the fact that not having it was sending up a HUGE RED FLAG that I couldn’t ignore. My kids needed a mom who is happy and mentally healty. They need to know the emotional & physical distance isn’t right. So bye-bye 20 years of being married to the Ice Man and dosing myself on Zoloft.
    Sex is only a part of a healthy marriage – but I will say again – when it is missing – it becomes all-encompassing and will take your marriage down the tubes. Sex is healthy and normal. I haven’t had it in 6 1/2 years because I stayed way beyond this marriage’s expiration date in an attempt to work it out, make it right & no divorce. Now I need to save my piece of mind.

  • Frank, I hear you completely. For the longest time I thought I was “oversexed” and that the problem was with *me*. Now I realize I’m married to a very frigid woman who is so uncomfortable with herself that she can’t share that part of her being with me. Part of the problem is for people in our position is that “society” (and the media) have us convinced that all men are one step away from being sexually predatory animals, and women are never at fault in this kind of case.
    Maybe we should start a club for abused-through-neglect spouses, so we can hook up with each other in an emotionaly neutral manner. It would sure help me. I’m in the Northwest, in case anyone’s interested. πŸ˜‰
    I do love my wife, but I’m not sure how much longer I can hang on. It’s been almost 5 years since I’ve had any kind of intimacy, and I’m about to explode. At least I’ve given up on suicide, at least for now…
    — D

  • Hi all, it turns out I posted this on last year’s archives ( before I found this new page. So does anyone mind if I post again here, please? Thanks.
    Ophelia’s comment really hit home, “I adore my husband and think he is so handsome and sexually attractive. It’s torturous having this amazing thing in front of you that you can’t touch. The pain is unbearable.”
    For the past five years, I have felt exactly like you do now. My husband and I are going on seven years together at this point. I am 32 and he is 33, and we got married 1.5 years ago. At this point we have not had sex in six months. When I do the math I start to wonder if I am losing my mind staying in the marriage!
    My husband is amazing. He loves me and is good with our dog (we don’t have kids). The problem is that he refuses to discuss our sex life and when he does, will yell or make jokes. I am not fabulously attractive, but when we go to parties my husband will comment that I am the most beautiful woman in the room, without me prompting or pressing him to say it. Over the years his lack of interest in sex convinced me that I am basically a freak, unattractive and totally perverted.
    Sometimes I think my husband may have had something happen to him in his past or that he is actually gay. Insanely, for a long time I wished that he would just admit that his homosexuality was the reason behind all this, because then I would start to feel normal and I could forgive him.
    Anyways, he IS controlling and has a much stronger personality than me, but he also helps with the housework and loves to cuddle up on the couch to get his head “petted”. I am always the one stroking him or scratching his back and let me tell you the resentment has built up! Sometimes if he has had a few too many beers and is looking to get romantic, I pretend I am asleep or brush my teeth for a really long time until he falls asleep because waiting until he is loaded enough to make love is even worse. Our relationship is more like brother and sister than anything even resembling romantic love. He just isn

  • Hello all,
    Honestly, I can’t believe the incredible response I’ve had to these two threads. So many people crying out for help, for understanding. It makes me hurt inside every time I think about it.
    My blogging software was never really meant to handle a response of this size – which is why I’ve decided to open up a small discussion board for all of you, where you can touch base, talk to each other, find some healing and support while you go through the process.
    Please visit here:

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