with apologies to Bridget Jones


Dear diary (and all you wonderful perverts out there who read this diary):

Well, it is the last day of the year, and I have resolved to make next year a wonderful, salacious, unh-filled celebration of all that is good and naked and naughty.

To that end, my resolutions…

  1. Will obviously lose 20 lbs. Preferably via long walks with the puppy, as much aerobic sexual activity as I can manage to extract from every single day and special protein shakes drunk straight from the font.
  2. Always put last night’s panties in the laundry basket. Unless someone luscious would like to sniff them – in which case I may leave them draped over his cock for an additional day.
  3. Will find naughty dominant boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: workoholics, commitment-phobics, emotional fuckwits.
  4. Will keep my heart and thighs open, however, to all of the following: sexaholics, bi-curious, perverts.
  5. Will especially stop fantasizing about the men in my life I cannot have or who do not want me.
  6. Learn one new sexual technique a month designed to make any man – even the silent ones – moan in ecstasy. Practice faithfully until I can execute flawlessly.
  7. Learn how to enjoy receiving oral sex. (As an aside, exactly how do you explain this to a partner?)
  8. Get spanked. As often as my naughty little self requires it.

Happy New Year, all!

About the author

Vikki McKay


  • On number 7…if it’s just a mental block (as opposed to physically not enjoying the act), you should (with a decent guy) be able to explain as much and let him know that you want to work through it, but it might take time. If said guy enjoys the act, you should have no problem, as he’d probably be willing to help you as often as needed 🙂

  • As long as you phrase it in a way such as “I’m not crazy about x, but what really drives me wild is y”, that should be plenty sufficient. It’s frustrating to be simply told what not to do, but when it is accompanied by an alternative, then that makes it a lot better.
    Seems like a good litmus test for the fuckwits you’re trying to avoid.

  • Yes, it does seem to be a good filter…
    There is something incredibly erotic about an oral genital connection. not better than oral/oral or anything else, but very particularly unique. Best of luck learning to receive as well as give!

  • “as much aerobic sexual activity as I can manage to extract from every single day”
    Maybe I’m missing something, but for an activity whose basic building block is back-and-forth movement over the space of a few inches, it would seem the aerobic possibilities are limited.
    Or maybe you mean something like running on the treadmill while wearing a butterfly vibrator. I guess that would qualify as aerobic sexual activity.

  • I had not realised that you don’t/can’t enjoy receiving oral. How strange! I have met girls who were unable to love their own pussy but you don’t sound like one of them. Oh well – it takes all sorts….
    How about thinking of it as giving your lover a present. He/she gets great delight out of sucking, licking, nibbling and all the other things they can do to you, and to with-hold the opportunity would be mean. So lie back and think of England (or the US – whatever) and at least half the partnership will be having a ball. And then you never know – you might just come to like it.

  • …a real good way to start the new year is to step into a hot tub the morning after a night of partys, relax and get yourself lost in a good book. Like – *g* Emma Holly’s latest perhaps? And then – deeply inspired – spend the day in bed with your lover.

  • such a great list of resolutions so to speak. i agree with all of them! especially 4, 6 and 8
    love your blog!

  • Thanks, everyone, for your comments.
    It’s not really that I hate receiving oral, I just don’t always feel comfortable with it, and the few times in my life where I’ve managed to have an orgasm that way, it took a ridiculously long time (at least, that’s how it seemed to me).
    I don’t hate my pussy. Far from it! *laughs* It’s just something I’ve always felt hesitant about. I would, however, like very much to get over that hesitance. I just need to find the right boy to help me with that task. 😉

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