a little more depth than usual


I haven’t felt very sexy lately. Working two jobs is becoming a burden, and with almost a year to go (if all goes well) before I can quit job #1 and do job #2 full time, it’s beginning to stretch me to my limits. My personal communiques with friends and acquaintances has dropped an alarming amount.

What I wouldn’t give for a hand on my head, smoothing my hair, telling me that I’ve been holding up incredibly well, accomplished so much (which I have) and that the worst will be over soon. Somehow it doesn’t mean as much when you say it to yourself.

I am also discovering a small subbie streak in me I didn’t really know I had. Oh, sure, sexually, yeah, but only recently have I begun to realize how much having a strong, dominant partner is something my emotions need as well.

Two recent posts I’ve read online have really resonated with me lately, on this topic. First, from the Dirty Whore:

As I was writing, with tears pouring down my face, I thought of my Master. What I need is the type of love he shows me. Maybe it’s a father figure issue, but I bloom when I am loved by someone who accepts me as I am, praises me, encourages me to improve, and punishes me when I am bad. Someone who kisses my forehead and tells me I’m a good girl every now and then. Someone who is proud of my achievements. I am motivated to be my best for that person, to reach higher and dream larger.

And from the Collar Purple:

Then she dropped the bombshell: I, as the Dom, can set up the situation where I win either way. If she had removed her bra, despite embarrassment, I win. If she did not, and got swatted for her disobedience, I win that way as well.

Yeah, this sounds obvious, but it’s an important point. Subs want their Doms to be masterful. They want him to be in charge. But for this to happen, for that trust to be granted, they have to believe that he is better able to take care of them than they can take care of themselves. So he has to be bigger, stronger, smarter, wiser, etc.

So by arranging things so that I always win, no matter what happens, Invidia gets that warm feeling of knowing that I’m in charge and on top of things. Of course, there’s the fringe benefit that I get what I want as well! The basic point is that, on some level, every sub wants her Dom to win every conflict with her. That way she knows that he’s someone in whom she can place her trust. That way, we both win.


Who the hell wants a nineties guy when they could have this?

About the author

Vikki McKay


  • You know, it’s possible to have both…a nice 90s guy with a dominant streak. Might not be the easiest thing to find, but they’re out there (well, I guess it’s more correctly said “we’re out there”, but I don’t know if I count, since I’m more of a switch…)
    Of course, if you’re looking for 24/7, that might be a little different.
    Gah…and right now, my dominant side is definetly in charge. No matter what side of the D/s line you’re on, I think it’s safe to say that it sucks not having a counterpart…all sorts of built up stress and no real way to release it…

  • Yeah – it can be cold and lonely out there sometimes. But giving everything up to some-one else does fix things – just gives you and illusion that some-one else is better at handling them.
    Two things; firstly, take it one day at a time. One by one, and you’ll get through it with less effort and damage than you can imagine.
    Secondly, look around, Sunshine! You have a wonderful web site, product of a capable and well-rounded person. Not to mention thoughtful, sexy, imaginative and all those other nice things that make up Vikki. So pour yourself a little drink, cosset yourself, go to bed, and tomorrow just get on with things. You have a lot of friends supporting you, and count me in your fan club too.
    Lots of love……

  • Wow! Two reponses in two hours has to be some kind of record for this site!
    Thanks so much, both of you.
    To answer you, Joe – I’m not looking for 24/7 – I’m far too stubborn for that, I think. Still, I’d like a strong partner that I can’t walk all over (you may have noticed I’m an opinionated little cuss, and I have no desire to be the dominant partner again in a relationship). 🙂
    All work and no play makes Vikki a cranky girl. I just need to carve myself some free time and find a good man with a nice hard cock to work out some of this frustration. If I’m lucky, maybe he’ll also be someone I can ask to stay the night.
    Thanks again guys!

  • Mmmmmh! Have the qualifications, but in the wrong location I guess. What a shame! Always fancied being a Physical Therapist…

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