I love my friends. But some of them just don’t understand the whole power play thing. I think they assume that because I enjoy being submissive (er… sometimes, anyway) that it means I’m crawling around on all fours, being humiliated, generally being made to feel like a lesser person.

I know it’s not an uncommon assumption. I used to think so too, before I learned about BDSM.

So, to rebut all those people (none of whom read here, presumably – but whatever) who think that submission is degrading to the woman….

Like most women, I have my off days and my on days. Days when I look in the mirror and say “hell, yeah, I’d do me!” and other days when I avoid the mirror altogether.

But I have never felt so beautiful, so sexy, so desirable, as when I was submitting to a lover.

Let me give you an example.

Most of the lovers I’ve been with have been more prone to action than observation – in other words, once my top comes off and my breasts are revealed (I have rather large nipples, and men seem to be fascinated with them) they’re more interested in touching, and tasting, than looking.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 😉

But the first time I undressed for my very first Dom, he didn’t touch me right away. He had me stand in front of him, and he just looked at me. Ran his hands over my skin, in a very tender way, without heading straight for any of the naughty bits. Really looked at me, enjoying me with his eyes.

My first inspection. It was far different than I’d thought it would be. I didn’t feel objectified or humiliated. Embarassed, a little – it was all new to me. But…

Nobody had ever really looked at me like that before.

When he stood up, said “Beautiful”, and kissed me, I felt like a queen. The most desirable woman on earth. More valued as a woman, not less, because of my submission.

It was a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

About the author

Vikki McKay


  • Absolutely! One of my favourite scenes. There’s also a wonderful scene in The Vagina Monologues where a woman is with her lover for the first time, and he just wants to look at her. He spreads her out on the bed, lies between her legs, and looks at her. And looks at her. I mean, for ages. And while at first it’s bizarre or uncomfortable for her, eventually she becomes aroused. He’s not trying anything with her. He’s just looking at her, getting aroused by the sexy natural look of her. And she realizes she’s never been looked at, not really, before. 🙂

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